“Retiring” at Thirty
Later this fall, I will be leaving the full-time workforce. Retiring at thirty would be a cause for complete celebration for someone who is fully healthy and able-bodied. For me, it is just a little bittersweet.
Throughout our relationship together, my husband noticed that a 40+-hour work week often leaves me drained and exhausted. He noticed that schedule leaves me little time to optimally take care of my health. He offered months before our wedding that I leave the full-time working world after we got married, but only if that is what I wanted. At first, I was really unsure about the idea. I love to work on projects that challenge me and to be part of an organization where I feel I can make an impact. On the other hand, I could feel the strain it was putting on me physically. I knew that if I wasn’t at work all day for 5 days a week, there were things I could be doing to improve my health. I could have a more mindful exercise routine. More conscientious diet. Reduce exposure to infections, especially during cold and flu season.
I recognize that it is a privilege to even have the choice, from a financial stability standpoint, to make this decision. However, I couldn’t help but feel like I was failing at the “thriving with chronic illness” thing if I couldn’t work full time, have a reasonable social life, and also manage my health. I was sad to think about missing office birthday celebrations and catching up with my colleagues during lunch. It also made me sad to think about the fact that I was smart enough and capable enough to do so well in this career path, and I wouldn’t get to see the track that my career would take over the years if I left.
It sounds silly, but I was also a little worried about how others would perceive the decision. Because my husband is in a career where he earns a comfortable living, would people think that I had always intended to leave my job once we were married? Would they call me lazy? Would they think that my husband expected me to give up my career once we were married, even though he left the decision entirely up to me and has been incredibly supportive of my decision and ALL of the emotions that have come with it? Would they not see how much I have always wanted to make an impact in the communities and the world around me? Would they only see me as sick or as a “spoiled housewife” going forward?
Thinking about those things all make me a little sad, but you know what? My career is not the most important thing in the world. That was perfectly clear to me while thinking about the choice I had. My health is more important. My loved ones are more important. Ultimately, I can still find other ways to engage my mind and my talents. I can go have coffee or lunch with my old colleagues still to keep up with them, and I can even join in the birthday celebrations. I can do any of those things without working a schedule that puts such a strain on my body. To some degree, people have made judgmental or snarky comments about the decision; however, those who know me best AND know my health struggles have been incredibly supportive. Technically, only my husband’s and my opinions really matter, but it certainly does help to have those closest to us be supportive, too.
Long story short: two months ago, I put in my notice to leave my full-time job after the helping to make sure that a specific, large project that is my brainchild will make it over the finish line. I have had the opportunity to oversee a massive project that will leave a literal mark on my organization. Seeing that project through to completion is giving me enormous satisfaction as I am making my exit from full-time work. I don’t regret my decision and how I have approached it in the slightest. I have had time to begin looking at other ways to engage my mind and talents, and I’ve even found some options to work a much-reduced schedule to earn a little extra money on my own still. It still feels bittersweet, but mostly, I’m grateful to have the option to leave on my own terms. I am excited for what the next chapter will bring, and I know that making this choice will mean having the best possible health that I can within my control.
Chronically yours,
Jen
